Changes

Wow, so much has changed over the last couple years. I read back on my blog posts from a few years ago and am struck by so many converging feelings. One, I am grateful. Grateful for all that has truly "worked out" over the last couple years - from getting into nursing school (my first choice, no less), graduating from said school in a mere 15 months, continuing to grow in my relationship with Ben (the biggest blessing of my life), moving to the Bay Area without a job - and then landing a hospital RN job about 7 months later (unheard of for the vast majority of new grad RNs in this particular geographical area), surviving my first year of nursing (I wouldn't call it "thriving" quite yet ;) ... and...most recently, moving into a 1-bedroom apartment on the 10th floor of a San Mateo high rise with floor-to-ceiling windows (when did I become that person?),...AND buying my FIRST (DREAM) CAR last weekend, a 2013 4 door VW Golf TDI (it is soooo much fun to drive!).  And last but certainly not least, Ben and I are finally going to be tying the knot in October of this year - about three and a half years after he proposed to me on the steps of the OHSU med school - and almost eight years after our little romance began, and almost 12 years since we first laid eyes on each other in Interpersonal Communication. 

Going back to my "converging feelings" comment - in addition to gratitude, I also feel cautious about all of these positive developments. I will be honest in saying that, I'm not used to all this nice stuff. Nice California weather for one - but nice cars everywhere on the roads, beautiful homes everywhere you look - rolling California hills covered with a variety of native plants and mature trees. Ben always said that he likened the Bay Area (and the mid-peninsula in particular) to the land of milk and honey. Today it is a gorgeous, clear, sunny February day, registering at 66 degrees Fahrenheit. You might ask, what's the problem then, why are you cautious? Well, I know that all of these wonderful things don't last forever. Even my new car, which is PERFECT and our apartment which has an INCREDIBLE view... none of that matters if I'm not living out of my true self and am living an authentic, meaningful life. Not only am I not used to all this nice stuff - I'm used to feeling like things aren't quite the way I wish they were/the one that hasn't quite made it yet/the one that is still out there struggling to make things work. For one of the first times in my life - things are working - quite well actually. Sometimes it just feels too good to be true. I guess I'll just leave it there. I'm grateful, so grateful.

Even whilst I feel grateful, there are loved ones near and far who aren't always feeling overwhelmed by positive developments. First, my mom - after undergoing a radical mastectomy last year after being diagnosed with breast cancer - she recently found out that she also needs a hysterectomy. She has her LIFE, though. I pray for her that the surgery goes without any major complications and that she can move on with her life. She has a lot more living to do, I am sure of it. Second, my to-be-mother in law, Jan. After losing her best friend and lover of over 20 years to a heart attack last year, just a few weeks ago also lost her other best friend and only sister, Molly, to cancer. Molly fought a tremendous fight against her disease and lived many, MANY years past what the doctors or anyone else predicted. She was a sprightly, creative, smart, determined woman, and will be missed. Jan is also an amazing woman, with one of the biggest hearts I've had the pleasure of knowing. I pray that though the burden is heavy she might find rest and rejuvenation for her spirit in ways unexpected during the next few years.

I felt like it was time to update this blog (for myself mostly because I'm pretty sure NO ONE is reading this). From now on, I think my posts will be about things on my mind - like a public journal where anyone can chime in with their thoughts about stuff. I'll probably be talking about nursing, exercise, Paleo diet, weight training, and probably not wedding planning (who wants to read about that?). Plus I have pinterest for all my wedding stuff. Ok, blog... you are now updated. Until next time. Thank you for being patient with me. Love, Richelle.

Dreaming of the cush life

I need to stop looking at pictures of prepared gourmet food on the internet. I dream of living in a huge country house with magical evenings of perfect food and drinks where friends can come and go and be filled and let go of the stresses of life. Our home would be clean and cozy all the time, with a live-in chef. Instead I live in a studio apartment with a fridge full of condiments, no proper cook wear, flat wear or serving utensils. Am I back in college?

Born Into a Light

This song sings to my soul...hope it will to yours also. xoxo

For everything that's wrong

There is a worried man,

There is a reason why

We just don't understand, but will...

You gotta keep the faith.

Be patient oh the past

is just a memory, and heal

Heal your vines,
You'll heal inside eventually

We were born into a light

We were born of light

We were born into a light

For everyone alone,

I wish you faith and hope

All the strength to cope

To be your own best friend,

have confidence and keep the faith

Be patient oh the past

is just the memory and heal

Heal your vines,

you'll heal inside eventually

We were born into a light

We were born into a light

We were born of light

We were born into a light

"Born into a Light" by Ryan Adams & the Cardinals

You Are Here

A beautiful reminder to be present where ever we are:

You wonder why you wonder when

You wonder how now and then

How you became who you've become

You are here and yet you dream of being there

Of being where you think the good life has begun

Every darkened hallway, every fallen dream

Every battle lost and every shadow in between

Will bring you to your knees and closer to the reason

And there's no making cases

For getting out or trading places

And there's no turning back, no you are here

Who can say who made the choice

In the matter of your birth

Who brought about that fateful day

Well you are here and born with fire and desire

You're the only one who can stand in your own way

Every broken arrow, every hardened smile

Every foolish gamble and every lonely mile

Will bring you to your knees and closer to the reason

And there's no making cases

For getting out or trading places

And there's no turning back, no you are here

And every sign of love, every seed that's growing

Every sweet surrender, to that silent knowing

Will bring you to your knees and closer to the reason

And there's no making cases

For getting out, for trading places

And there's no turning back, no you are here

"You are Here" by the Wailin Jennys, from their album, Bright Morning Stars

Twice as Good

Why do I still have this blog???

Good question. I'm not really sure. So much in my life has changed since the day I decided to start this blog. One, my boyfriend moved to Portland, and has been here since (almost two years now!). Two, I decided to pursue a career in nursing and stopped pursing a career in landscape architecture. Three, I started nursing school. Four, Ben and I are engaged to be married! WOOO! Four, I've moved to SW Portland - close to lots of hiking trails and downtown, Portland State University and, of course, the reason for the season - OHSU, where I am currently studying to be a nurse. Six, Ben's good friend from college, Mike, has moved in with us and has proved to be a thoroughly enjoyable housemate - he cooks, listens to good music (and is educating me on such music - apparently my horizons were pretty narrow...), reads avidly, is wicked smot, and is just all around a good guy to have around :) (Ladies, he's single too ;) Seven, I have officially joined the Episcopal church - not just my local parish, but the wider Episcopal communion. Eight - I AM IN NURSING SCHOOL. I know I already mentioned that but I think it deserves another mentioning because it is literally what I spend all of my time on...except for this one occasion of blogging indulgence. As an "Acc Bacc," (that is what we are known as at OHSU - Accelerated Baccalaureate students) my life is pretty crazy these days. I start clinical rotations this Tuesday - on the general medicine floor at the OHSU Hospital in Portland.

I used to have a lot of time to think about things deeply and reflect and make nice little coherent thoughts tying multiple ideas together in a somewhat organized fashion. These days - I spend my time reading article after article, page after page in my Pathophysiology or Pharmacology textbook, or otherwise trying to prepare for what is often a totally overwhelming and mind-blowing experience that awaits me each day of nursing school. I feel as though I cut in line for some crazy 15-month long ride and that at the end of the ride I'm supposed to feel prepared to go out and be a nurse...It's hard to believe.

I'm loving nursing school - don't get me wrong. My fellow classmates are fun, intelligent, beautiful, interesting, inspiring people. Our professors and instructors are top-notch and incredibly supportive. I am one lucky gal to be studying at this institution. I have to remind myself of that occasionally....which isn't too hard given that there is a Starbucks in the Children's Hospital and a Natural Foods store in the main Hospital - two places I frequent on an almost daily basis. Having easy access to good food and coffee is pretty much all I need to be happy. I know, this is more than eating good food and satisfying my desire for predictably decent decaf Americanos - but I'm not going to lie and say that those quiet moments at the Starbucks at 7 am before class starts aren't the moments I relish the most. Tuesday I start working with real patients and doing real nurs-y type stuff. Even though it's going to be tough and most days I will undoubtedly feel totally unprepared...I am trusting that this is where I'm supposed to be - that the same loving Guide that brought me thus far will continue to be with me through all of this. I somehow, miraculously, survived first quarter with all A's - so that's got to be worth something, right? I know some stuff - enough maybe to begin to ask the right questions. I guess that's right where I'm supposed to be .

This is all to say that I'm not sure where this blog will end up or when I will write next. It might be two years from now or two days. One day I hope to tie all of these ideas into a nice little bow - nursing-healthcare-horticulture-therapeutic gardening-sustainable design-design for the aging population-faith amidst uncertainty-art and faith-environment and health...it's all connected.

One day. For now, my bed is calling my name.

"Good" Friday

Sometimes I find it difficult to "enter in" to the depth and richness of some of the most important events in the Christian faith. As a catechumen this year, I was encouraged to really enter into Holy Week, taking the time to feel and experience as much of what this part of the Christian story might have to teach/show me. I am still struggling to "enter in," most likely because my mind and emotions are elsewhere (Microbiology, work, buying books for class, trying to get rid of my acne, running billions of Easter bulletins at Westminster, a friend whose metal rod got dislocated from her hip...) Until I read this...a poem emailed by Mother Esme at my church.

"Buried with him in his death" by Tania Runyan

We fought for one more sputter
of the old life. Even though a breeze passing
over your sieve of skin could send you
screaming, you muscled up your diaphragm
to whisk more air into the fire.

I held my own terrors to my chest:
failures and brush-offs, cancers and crashes,
all the anxieties I had grown to love
heaving and cracking like your ribcage
until we both gave out.

Then there was the mess of prying us loose:
wailing women and splintered lumber,
flesh stubbornly sticking to the nails.
But what swift hands, that Joseph of Arimathea,
what purposeful footsteps crunching the ground!

He wrapped us in linen and spices.
Only the hapless world could think of packing
fifty pounds of aloe around a dead man’s wounds.
But we drank it in like deserts
until finally even the lizards scurried home.

I lay in the cave and wanted to touch you,
but my hands were no longer mine.
They closed in on themselves like daylilies.
The stone rumbled over the window of light,
and then our difficult rising began.

Photo credit: "The Burial of Jesus" by Gustave Dore

"Taos Floral" has arrived!

I know my posts have been a little heavy lately (except the silly picture of the penguin being eaten by a fish ;) so I'm adding a little happy post here. Last June I visited my friend Elizabeth in New Mexico. We spent some time perusing the galleries in Old Town - and I was so inspired and engaged as we looked at all of the beautiful creations around us. It was wonderful. My mentor friend, Sheila, has a houseful of beautiful artwork. While in college, she started putting pieces of artwork on layaway, contributing whatever small amount she could at the time, on a monthly basis, to go towards whatever piece of artwork she wanted. I thought this was a brilliant idea - and so I finally bought my very first piece of artwork while in NM. I set it up so that $20/month was withdrawn from my bank account, and just received the painting in the mail! The artist is Dee Sanchez, and paints mostly landscapes/people/etc. in a New Mexico environment. I think they're wonderful and dreamy. The one I bought is quite a bit more mellow than her usual style. Isn't it beautiful? Makes me want to go frolic amidst the flowers. You can see more of her paintings here.

Why Christianity Must Change or Die

Friends,

I am reading this profoundly thought-provoking (albeit poorly titled) book by John Shelby Spong, titled "Why Christianity Must Change or Die: A Bishop Speaks to Believers in Exile." The book was a Christmas present to Ben from his mom, who also found it to be very thought-provoking. I've posted the "12 Theses" below as a way to possibly start a conversation.

The material he presents is honest and deconstructive - and as someone who attends a fairly liturgical church, I'm finding it more and more difficult to participate in some of the readings and especially the Nicene Creed that is so a part of our worship experience. Marcus Borg, another Jesus scholar, would say that the creed (Nicene) is a way to identify ourselves with a particular culture and story of the past - the story of how the man Jesus was understood to 'believers' at that time in history, to rule out a contending point of view (the Arius v. Athanasius debate), and to maintain the peace under Constantine. The creed for us today, he would say, is not an exercise for our intellectual approval. Well, that sounds nice - but if that is the case, why do we still recite it every Sunday, as if it were literally true? I'm pretty sure when people hear or say the words, "I believe..." they are not thinking to themselves, "I think this is a bunch of crap but I'll say it anyway..." - Most people truly believe the words - or feel as though they should - the virgin birth, the 2nd coming of Christ to judge the world, the bodily resurrection of Jesus, etc. etc. And, moreover, they think that if they are to call themselves Christian, they better believe it, because that is the truth.

Marcus Borg, in a lecture a few weeks ago that I attended, talked about reclaiming the Christian language. One of the words he focused on was the word believe. He said that the word, at it root, was more akin to belove or, "to give one's heart to" - the subject of the word believe was never a statement, it was always a person. Thus when we say "I believe..." in the creed, we are more saying, "I give my heart to...". This doesn't solve the problem of the creed for me...but it does help to some extent. In my opinion, I think we should write new creeds that are in accord with our understanding of God and the nature of the universe today - creeds that do not reflect the 3-tiered worldview that so framed the creeds of the past. I guess the question is, Why do we still use it? and, Can we speak it with honesty?

I would be interested in your thoughts - on the 12 theses below, or on the creed, or on any related matters. Here are a few points Spong makes - think of these as similar to what Martin Luther did while nailing his theses to the the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, protesting what he believed were the fallacies and malpractices of the established church of that time.
----

A Call for a New Reformation

1. Theism, as a way of defining God, is dead. God can no longer be understood with credibility as a Being, supernatural in power, dwelling above the sky and prepared to invade human history periodically to enforce the divine will. So, most theological God-talk today is meaningless unless we find a new way to speak of God.

2. Since God can no longer be conceived in theistic terms, it becomes nonsensical to seek to understand Jesus as the incarnation of the theistic deity. So, the Christology of the ages is bankrupt.

3. The biblical story of the perfect and finished creation from which human beings fell into sin is pre-Darwinian mythology and post--Darwinian nonsense.

4. The virgin birth, understood as literal biology, makes the divinity of Christ, as traditionally understood, impossible.

5. The miracle stories of the New Testament can no longer be interpreted in a post-Newtonian world as supernatural events performed by an incarnate deity.

6. The view of the cross as the sacrifice for the sins of the world is a barbarian idea based on primitive concepts of God that must be dismissed.

7. Resurrection is an action of God, who raised Jesus into the meaning of God. It therefore cannot be a physical resuscitation occurring inside human history.

8. The story of the ascension assumed a three-tiered universe and is therefore not capable of being translated into the concepts of a post-Copernican space age.

9. There is no external, objective, revealed standard writ in Scripture or on tablets of stone that will govern our ethical behavior for all time.

10. Prayer cannot be a request made to a theistic deity to act in human history in a particular way.

11. The hope for life after death must be separated forever from the behavior-control mentality of reward and punishment. The church must abandon, therefore, its reliance on guilt as a motivator of behavior.

12. All human beings bear God's image and must be respected for what each person is. Therefore, no external description of one's being, whether based on race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation, can properly be used as the basis for cither rejection or discrimination.

Spong's Note: These theses posted for debate are inevitably stated in a negative manner. That is deliberate. Before one can hear what Christianity is one must create room for that bearing by clearing out the misconceptions of what Christianity is not. Why Christianity Must Change or Die is a manifesto calling the church to a new reformation. In that book I begin to sketch out a view of God beyond theism, an understanding of' the Christ as a God presence and a vision of the shape of both the church and its Liturgy for the future.

Prayer for Haiti

Gracious God,
I lift my voice in prayer with all the people of the world.

Surround Haiti and her people
with your loving embrace
that they may be:

supported by the world in the work of rescue and recovery;
comforted as they grieve;
strengthened as they bury their dead;
healed as they tend their wounds;
restored in faith and the
hope of things unseen;
and transformed through newness of life in Christ.

Make me an instrument
of divine love, of mercy, of hope, and of new possibility.
Give me eyes to see,
ears to hear, the will to act, and a discerning and generous heart
that I may serve you and those who suffer in whatever way I am able.

In and through the power of the Holy Spirit, I pray. Amen.

Living the Questions

Starting next Sunday I will be devoting two hours each week to what my church calls the Catechumenate, which is a spiritual journey of discovering what the Christian faith is, what is significant/meaningful about the Episcopal tradition specifically, and setting a trajectory for growing in faith.

I'm both excited and apprehensive about this. Excited because I genuinely want to be a more spiritually mature person, to know what I believe/what is meaningful to me, and to live out of that reality more fully. I am excited about asking questions that I've long been struggling with. These same questions are why I am apprehensive about the catechumenate. And I have a gut feeling these questions will not be resolved, per say, during the next several months - but I am hoping that I will be able to put them on the table, to wrestle with them, and to gain a sense of peace and confidence with the mystery of the unknown. I am hoping to not compare my faith with my friends, and to simply bring it all before the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe,

and to be at peace.

What kind of questions am I struggling with, you might be asking? Well, for starters, so much of what I recite in church on Sunday I don't actually believe. Or, perhaps more accurately, I don't feel that the language conveys the essence of what was originally meant when certain words or phrases were constructed to outline a specific doctrine. The Nicene Creed, for example, is filled with language and concepts about God that I cannot recite with honesty. Christmas carols, which my church sings (almost in excess in my opinion) this time of year, as well as hymns sung all year round, are filled with language and ideas of God and the Christian story that seem fanciful and out of touch with reality. Can I still be a Christian and not believe some of the main tenets of traditional orthodox doctrine? Who was Jesus? Who is God? How do we read and experience the Bible? Ultimately, I am hoping to sort through all of the religious hubbub to find what is real and true and meaningful, and to discard the things that are simply untrue or are a misconception about God, Jesus and what it means to be a follower of Christ. And there is a LOT of hubbub out there.

In other news, I'm in the midst of applying to nursing schools! The journey of learning that started last March with Cell Biology is now in a new and exciting phase. I'm applying to 6 different programs, all here in Portland, which start anywhere between this summer and fall. I also start classes again at PCC tomorrow, which will include the last of three in the Anatomy & Physiology series. I can't believe all the knowledge I've accumulated within the past 7 months. It's been wonderful and amazing and I'm so excited for what's to come.

Thanks for walking on this journey with me, friends.

Great video on health care reform

Biology and Ben-Hur

My first term of Anatomy & Physiology concluded about two weeks ago - and since then I've been relishing every moment of freedom I have. I am still in awe of how much information my brain absorbed during that 8-week period. We covered bones and muscles, tissues, and part of the nervous system. Even though I am ecstatic to be done, I am also excited for next term. We will be covering more of the nervous system, as well as the endocrine, cardiovascular and immune systems. What I've enjoyed learning about the most is the processes that occur - the physiology of what is happening in our bodies. Even while it is fun spouting off anatomical language with my classmates (it's true - becoming a nerd is way too easy :), I've really enjoyed learning about the chemistry behind all of the reactions that occur in and between our cells. How muscles work, how neurotransmitters work, how different types of tissues function...I won't bore my friends w/ the details but even the seemingly mundane processes our bodies regularly go through are nothing short of miraculous.

In light of my newfound freedom from classes, Ben and I have decided to start watching the "classics" - (mostly older) movies that have in some way had a dramatic impact on the world. We started this journey with the epic, "Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ." Ben has seen the movie a handful of times but I'd never seen it. Boy am I glad I did! I don't even have the words to describe this film - spectacular and deeply moving, with the quintessential lead character filled by the beautifully chiseled Charlton Heston. I highly recommend it :)

The film, being the first I've seen of Charlton Heston (I know, I know, I'm absurdly naive when it comes to classic pop culture icons), made me think back on the film I saw in high school, "Bowling for Columbine." In this film, Michael Moore interviews Charlton Heston, who, at the time, was serving as president of the NRA. I watched the interview again on YouTube yesterday and was disappointed with Moore's treatment of Heston. I am also extremely intrigued by Heston's life history (of which I am just barely aware of - via wikipedia :) -

how he went from a political progressive active in the civil rights movement to a political conservative endorsing Reagan and both Bush's, and becoming a prominent defender of the Constitution's second amendment right to bear arms. The wikipedia article quotes him as saying this in response to his apparent switch in political allegiances: "I didn't change. The Democratic party changed."

Recently a member of my family publicly criticized me for my support of health care reform and Obama. I replied that I didn't think Obama was perfect, and that I suggested he watch the film, "Sicko". This same member of my family went on say that I was "brainwashed by the left,", that "all politicians are crooks," and that Obama is "nothing more than a polished turd of a used car salesman." He also cursed the maker of "Sicko" and politely referred to Obama as "Obama bin laden". This member of my family is a HUGE supporter of gun rights and refers to himself as neither liberal nor conservative, though I do remember him giving praise to Donald Rumsfeld just after we bombed Iraq.

In watching the clip yesterday from "Bowling for Columbine" I could see one small thread...an inkling, perhaps, of common ground between this family member and myself. Ultimately my ____(unnamed family member) wants to protect the innocent. He wants to get rid of the "bad guys." He probably doesn't receive his information from the traditional media because most likely it is suspected to be biased and reflecting the views of the liberal upper class. I'm not sure where his news comes from. Ultimately, much like most of us, we watch and listen to programs that in some way we trust, or believe is genuine, unbiased reporting. Of course what I think is genuine and unbiased is completely different from what other people in different corners of our country think is unbiased and genuine.

The Christ depicted in Ben-Hur speaks to so many of these underlying human problems (albeit indirectly). The camera never shows the face of Christ, only the reaction people have to him. I hate it when people say that something is "all about" something - reducing a complex issue to a nice statement. But in this one instance, it seems appropriate to say that it really is about power. The struggles facing the world are about power - who has it and who doesn't, and what the people with it are doing with it. This struggle for power (or, maybe just the freedom to exist as one chooses) is the context in which a helpless Christ dies for doing nothing wrong.

I am looking forward to the next "classic" from the library. We have close to 2 dozen on the list, so we'll be watching movies till our eyes hurt for the next few weeks :)

beautiful song...

Why I don't have time to blog anymore...at least for now

...Because I'm busy with work and taking Anatomy & Physiology! There is little time for much else. However, I've had some incredible weekends hiking with Ben. We've been hiking along the Columbia River gorge as much as possible while the weather here is so beautiful. We've discovered a website that describes virtually all of the hikes in the Portland area, what to expect, how difficult they are, how to get there, etc. It has been our go-to for all of our hiking adventures this summer. How lucky we are to have such a great resource!

I went to a lecture/conversation at my church with the presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church a few weeks ago. She was wonderful. You can listen to her at my church's website. My priest included his favorite quotations from her talk on his blog and I think he does a pretty good job of highlighting some of her important points. His blog is here.

I'm anxious to get more involved at Grace, but also reluctant to do so, given my already jam-packed schedule. One of things I'd love to do, perhaps next summer when I'm not taking a class, is volunteer at the Art camp. It serves over 1,000 kids in Portland every summer - this year the theme is "Tales from the Ancient Near East." What fun! I would also love to get more involved in the healing ministry/Taize service, and perhaps the Labyrinth ministry. And maybe the gardening guild. You can see now why I was so attracted to this church :) Too little time...

For the next three weeks I will be stuffing as much information re: the skeletal and muscular system into my brain. Memorizing every bone, process, notch, ridge, etc. in the human body. It is fascinating but all-consuming as a condensed summer course. Thus, I am saying goodbye now for quite a while. :)

First time ever joining a church

I don't know if it's the time of year or what but it feels like everyone (including me) is sort of bored with and/or not interested in blogging. I've been absent in the blogosphere lately because 1) I've had so much going on; 2) I don't feel like I have anything all that thrilling to write about; and 3) I've become more wary of sharing personal things on this blog with the world. So, I'm working on solving #3 by only making my blog accessible to friends. However I need specific email addresses for that. #1 and #2 I'm afraid will be that way for quite some time... :)

Some exciting news: I joined a church last weekend! Since moving to Portland almost two years ago, I've been attending a variety of churches. Some Presbyterian, some non-denom., one Methodist. They have all been positive experiences, for the most part. But none of them felt quite right. I wrote a few months ago about how I attended an Episcopal church and how it felt like home. Well, that feeling has never left me. Every time I go, I feel at peace, and I am so excited to be there.

So, last weekend I stood in front of the congregation and became a member! (Something I have never done before, at least at a mainline denominational church.) I'm excited to learn all about the Episcopal tradition and to connect into this community. So far, I love what I am learning and seeing an experiencing.

PS my biology class is going well. I registered for Anatomy & Physiology I this summer. It will be a busy season!

Guitar Loving Cat

I just can't get enough of this.

Biology 112 Here I Come

I started the first of several pre-reqs for nursing last night at PCC. My instructor is fantastic. She graduated from UC Santa Cruz and has studied marine biology all over the world. Plus she is funny, does not take herself too seriously, yet has very high expectations and has been refreshingly clear and organized. And you get the feeling that she is genuinely rooting for all of her students to succeed.

I'm so excited for this class. And not just because it will be fascinating material...but because what I will be learning in this class will be applied to my life...not just recreationally, but professionally. For a long time I've taken classes for enjoyment or to get a degree...or to vaguely improve my standing in getting into graduate school. I don't regret all of my political studies classes, art classes, horticulture and plant classes, etc....in fact they've all shaped who I am and I hope to never think of them as useless or a waste of my time. All education is an end in itself. But some of it is more useful in terms of gaining employment. I know there will always be a need for nurses. I doubt we'll ever have too many people who know how to care for the sick and the dying, of all ages. I am excited about the one-on-one interaction. I am excited that this is a field where what makes you great is both your intellectual grasp of concepts and ability to practically apply them, and your emotional intelligence...i.e. how well you treat people, and your ability to stand beside people in their pain.

I am excited for this new journey. The picture above is the only one I could find that wasn't either a slightly pornographic photo or an average run-of-the-mill shot of a real life nurse (after a few moments of googling "nurse"). Both seemed unfitting. So I went with the Cadet nurse.

P.S. now that I think I know what I'm doing with my life, generally speaking, perhaps I can start blogging about the things that I originally sought to blog about...and not just a keep a running tally of my thoughts at a particular moment. I'm sorry for anyone reading this blog who thinks it abhorrently uninteresting and self-absorbed. Thanks for being my friend anyway :o)

Changes

This life is a crazy one. The geology course I just finished blew my mind. When you start thinking about the world in increments of millions or tens of thousands of years, it puts everything in a different light. In some weird paradoxical way, I have even more respect for the creation, for this amazing, relentless life-giving universe we are all so blessed to participate in and experience after taking this class...and at the same time I feel as though I've become a bit more moderate in my environmental leanings (i.e. less granola :). I've learned that throughout the history of the universe, as we know it, there have been incredible eons of time marked by extraordinary forms of life, and that these periods of time repeatedly underwent mass extinctions...whether this is through a giant asteroid hitting the planet, or widespread disease, or massive amounts of volcanic activity across the globe, tectonic plates shifting, and the proposed theory of the impact of the sun ushering in ice ages over tens of thousands of years...and that even after these mass extinctions, life somehow goes on...as we see in fossils and rocks, essentially acting as a giant tape recorder of all life on earth throughout all time. Life goes on much differently after these extinctions, in many cases. In the case of the dinosaurs, it altered the evolutionary path of all living things and paved the way for the development of human beings, while virtually wiping out all of the dinosaurs (all but birds, who are the closest thing we have today to dinosaurs). As I think about global climate change in this context, I think to myself, "Of course the climate is changing. It has been doing that for over a billion years." This does not mean that I feel unsympathetic to creatures of the world who are suffering because of this change.

I have a sticker on my car that reads "Extinction isn't Stewardship" with a Jesus fish symbol and salmon inside. It's true, extinction may not be stewardship. In many cases it is the direct impact of human beings that are causing these creatures to become extinct. This is tragic. It is, as Wendell Berry states, a blasphemy against God. But, the one thing I've gotten from this class is...life will go on...and on it will go in extraordinary ways. This amazing planet, which teeters on its orbit around the sun, floating in the universe, will somehow go on. God, energy, spirit, life...it will all go on somehow, someway.

Speaking of life going on, I've temporarily put to rest my dream of going into landscape architecture. My reasons are myriad but essentially it comes down to: 1) It is a profession of the upper class, which tailors its business to what those with money want; 2) as such, it is a privilege occupation - it is not one that we need, but one that is nice. It would be a beautiful career if money weren't an issue; 3) the money in it is mostly in contracting and maintenance, which does not interest me as much as plants and design; 4) jobs in landscape architecture are not very abundant...particularly in an economic recession such as we are in now...and I simply cannot risk taking a hundred thousand dollars in student loans out for a job that might be out there.

So...for now LA is on the back burner. The profession I am looking into now is Nursing. This is about the third time in my life I've given serious consideration to it. Tomorrow I'm going to an informational meeting about PCC's nursing program. They have a Associates degree in Nursing program that allows you to become an RN or transfer to OHSU for a bachelor's degree. The pre-reqs would take a few years to complete while working full time. So...we shall see what's next. The idea of nursing is exciting to me. The idea of working with people one-on-one, caring for them, learning about the human body and how it works, not having to pick out my outfit every day (just kidding...ok not really, i think i'd like wearing scrubs!), and of course knowing that I can go virtually anywhere in the world and be assured that there will be a job....this all sounds great to me. Plus, perhaps I could integrate some of what I've learned about plants through horticultural therapy with my potential future patients...who knows, and maybe by then I'll actually have money to afford to make a therapeutic garden of my own!

For the time being, however, I will be cramming for my Soils final, which is tomorrow, after the informational meeting about nursing. Life sure is crazy. But it relentlessly and marvelously goes on.