Wow, so much has changed over the last couple years. I read back on my blog posts from a few years ago and am struck by so many converging feelings. One, I am grateful. Grateful for all that has truly "worked out" over the last couple years - from getting into nursing school (my first choice, no less), graduating from said school in a mere 15 months, continuing to grow in my relationship with Ben (the biggest blessing of my life), moving to the Bay Area without a job - and then landing a hospital RN job about 7 months later (unheard of for the vast majority of new grad RNs in this particular geographical area), surviving my first year of nursing (I wouldn't call it "thriving" quite yet ;) ... and...most recently, moving into a 1-bedroom apartment on the 10th floor of a San Mateo high rise with floor-to-ceiling windows (when did I become that person?),...AND buying my FIRST (DREAM) CAR last weekend, a 2013 4 door VW Golf TDI (it is soooo much fun to drive!). And last but certainly not least, Ben and I are finally going to be tying the knot in October of this year - about three and a half years after he proposed to me on the steps of the OHSU med school - and almost eight years after our little romance began, and almost 12 years since we first laid eyes on each other in Interpersonal Communication.
Going back to my "converging feelings" comment - in addition to gratitude, I also feel cautious about all of these positive developments. I will be honest in saying that, I'm not used to all this nice stuff. Nice California weather for one - but nice cars everywhere on the roads, beautiful homes everywhere you look - rolling California hills covered with a variety of native plants and mature trees. Ben always said that he likened the Bay Area (and the mid-peninsula in particular) to the land of milk and honey. Today it is a gorgeous, clear, sunny February day, registering at 66 degrees Fahrenheit. You might ask, what's the problem then, why are you cautious? Well, I know that all of these wonderful things don't last forever. Even my new car, which is PERFECT and our apartment which has an INCREDIBLE view... none of that matters if I'm not living out of my true self and am living an authentic, meaningful life. Not only am I not used to all this nice stuff - I'm used to feeling like things aren't quite the way I wish they were/the one that hasn't quite made it yet/the one that is still out there struggling to make things work. For one of the first times in my life - things are working - quite well actually. Sometimes it just feels too good to be true. I guess I'll just leave it there. I'm grateful, so grateful.
Even whilst I feel grateful, there are loved ones near and far who aren't always feeling overwhelmed by positive developments. First, my mom - after undergoing a radical mastectomy last year after being diagnosed with breast cancer - she recently found out that she also needs a hysterectomy. She has her LIFE, though. I pray for her that the surgery goes without any major complications and that she can move on with her life. She has a lot more living to do, I am sure of it. Second, my to-be-mother in law, Jan. After losing her best friend and lover of over 20 years to a heart attack last year, just a few weeks ago also lost her other best friend and only sister, Molly, to cancer. Molly fought a tremendous fight against her disease and lived many, MANY years past what the doctors or anyone else predicted. She was a sprightly, creative, smart, determined woman, and will be missed. Jan is also an amazing woman, with one of the biggest hearts I've had the pleasure of knowing. I pray that though the burden is heavy she might find rest and rejuvenation for her spirit in ways unexpected during the next few years.
I felt like it was time to update this blog (for myself mostly because I'm pretty sure NO ONE is reading this). From now on, I think my posts will be about things on my mind - like a public journal where anyone can chime in with their thoughts about stuff. I'll probably be talking about nursing, exercise, Paleo diet, weight training, and probably not wedding planning (who wants to read about that?). Plus I have pinterest for all my wedding stuff. Ok, blog... you are now updated. Until next time. Thank you for being patient with me. Love, Richelle.
